Without this skill you are behaving unconsciously, numbing yourself to life with whatever distractions you prefer and modeling that for your children.


 

The Key Parenting Skill Few Are Aware Of and How to Develop It


Hello Beautiful,

After a wonderful Summer break, I am returning to the blog. Recently, I was conversing with a kind woman in a local shop —and when she discovered I had 6 sons, she was flabbergasted.

She asked me what parenting advice, not commonly offered, would I like to share with her for raising her children. This is the point I shared with her and wanted to offer you as well….

A key skill the modern child isn’t being taught is —how to feel their feelings. Rather than deal with the challenges of helping a child navigate fear/disappointment/anger/rejection/boredom/etc. most parents offer a distraction. Our world is full of easy distractions….most often in the form of a screen.

Most parents who want a quiet meal at a restaurant, hand their child an iPad or a phone. It’s easier than teaching a child the art of conversation, proper manners, how to relate politely to waitstaff and fellow diners, and how to engage in conversation.

Most parents who need some time to recharge after a long day, are all too happy to have everyone go into their own world listening to and watching different things on their devices to wind down.

The pain relief sought from having to feel and grow through uncomfortable parts of our day extends beyond screens to food rewards, change of location, change of topic, and myriad more distractions.

Unfortunately, parents are doing the same. Not just with screens (8 hrs a day is the new norm—in addition to work/school use), but with alcohol to relax, smoking something to chill out, or food addiction.

Our modern existence offers us so many ways to “escape” the overwhelm of a life of unprocessed emotions and experiences. A moment of relief quickly snowballs to a lifetime of denial and generalized angst about all the unprocessed things that are waiting in the wings.

We all need outlets to unplug, relax, and set down the burdens of life. Downtime is key for our health (mentally and physically). However, daily emotional processing, weekly trend review, and monthly support are minimums to keep growing healthily into wholeness and maturity.

Sadly, few of us have also learned how to know when it’s time to get up and do the energy intensive work of self reflection and of processing what we are feeling and why.

If we don’t face the myriad of things we have buried under the rug, we will eventually find there is no where left to hide.

Parenting is like the rest of life: if you put in strategic effort on the front end. Over time you can help build the qualities that make the little human you have been entrusted with an emotionally resilient person.

Your child will learn to be reflective, understand the implications of their choices, and create more and more constructive patterns. They will be kind, compassionate, and you will genuinely enjoy their presence. And so will others!

But, if you are too often putting off the work of parenting with presence and strategy, it will feel more and more necessary to escape in your own ways, and to direct them to the same.

Since, few adults have learned to feel their own feelings and process them intentionally and constructively, they really don’t know how to model or how to teach this skill to their children.

Most parents feel overworked, under rested, and in need of more logistic and community support than they have access to. The economy, the political rancor, and the challenges of life that seem to grow at an unmitigated rate of scope and depth….it’s a lot for us all to deal with.

So, what are we to do? Since our problems will not go away; we must change our way of life if we want a change.

As a parent, you will need to take an unfiltered look at how you are spending your time and energy.

How can you create more rest and reflection for yourself so that you have the energy to parent at a different level?

And how can you learn to re-parent yourself (learn as an adult, what you are trying to model for/teach your children) around emotional awareness, processing your feelings, and facing alternatives with courage?

Without this skill you are behaving as an addict. You are numbing yourself to life with whatever distractions you prefer and you are modeling that for your children. You are not offering them the skills they need to not drown in the sea of emotions they will face in a lifetime.

It takes courage to face these hard truths. It takes resolve to make the necessary changes. It helps if you have a mentor in your own journey so that you can break the unhealthy patterns you inherited and the unconscious habits you have taken on.  I would love to help you through this process.

Our future and freedoms depend on reviving our ability to not run away and distract ourselves when we feel overwhelmed. Everyone can learn how to do this if they persist with resolve, humility, curiosity, and faith.

Cheering you on,

Rachel

ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details

 

We build trust when we demonstrate that we are paying attention—and extending a lens of goodwill—towards others.


 

Communication Habits that Build Trust


Hello Beautiful,

Creating a secure and positive relational dynamic starts with a trust building communication style. When we communicate conscientiously and in a consistently uplifting way, it makes understanding, ease, and quick resolutions the norm in our relationships. And that makes life infinitely easier!

We also enjoy deeper connections, more collaboration, and loyalty. This comes from a climate of safety and understanding. All of this contributes to our doing our best work with colleagues, building intimate family connections, and truer friendships. With so many benefits, it’s worth adding these habits to your default settings.

Spread Good Gossip

When you observe something positive about someone, be sure to spread the word. By committing to focus on the positive about those not present, we build trust with those who are present. We show that we are invested in the success and happiness of others. We want them to win and to be celebrated for those wins.

We want to draw out the best in others. And, to build support and goodwill between others as well. We are showing that we truly celebrate their success and want everyone to feel seen and celebrated. Speaking highly of those not present is a great way to build trust with those that are present.

Look for Solutions not Credit

While we may enjoy being the person to save the day with our ideas, sometimes, that can get in the way of the best solutions. We all need to invite others to contribute to solutions. By drawing out others ideas and opinions, we gain buy in for the solutions and trust in our leadership.

A leader is most powerful when acting as a catalyst for the best solutions. These are usually found by integrating a variety of points of view and ideas. No one “brilliant” idea is as good a what is arrived at by a group of people working together to solve a problem. Set aside ego and invite others to share in the solution.

Lead with Acknowledgement

Begin as many interactions, whether playful or resolution oriented, with acknowledging the progress, good intentions, and helpful actions of the other. We build trust when we demonstrate that we are paying attention—and extending a lens of goodwill—towards others. When we lay a foundation of attention and appreciation, everything else that needs to be said or done has a firmer foundation to rest on.

Building trust in relationships is one of the keys to living life well. The trust, stability, harmony, and intimacy that are created smooth the way for dealing with challenges and amplify the joys of leisure and celebration.

The quality of our lives and of our relationships are deeply intertwined. I hope you find inspiration for deepening your own connections with these insights.

Cheering you on,

Rachel

ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details

 

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.

– Mark Twain


 

How to Stress Less


Hello Beautiful,

All of our lives are a mix of the delightful and the challenging. We are always working to shift the balance in favor of the delightful!

Many of our challenges can be lessened (and prevented) by living with attention to detail, good communication, responsible and preventative action, and not letting the speed of life persuade us to turn a blind eye to what our intuition is signaling we should take action on.

But, even with the most skillful living, we cannot avoid all challenges, illness, injury, and loss.

These difficulties are part of all of our lives from start to finish. The question remains, how do we lessen the suffering, speed the recovery, and minimize the pain? I want to offer some insights that aim to do just that for you. Here we go!

Slow Down

Multi-tasking and over scheduling make it difficult to see what is happening and respond early.

When we are living with too much on our plate, we simply don’t have the bandwidth to notice or take action on things when they are small….and so problems grow in size and implication until we finally make space to address them.

Addressing bumps early, lets us minimize the size and scope of a problem by arresting it’s advancement.

Aim to create enough attention and available energy to address things that come up early to reduce the drama in your life

Have Courage

Addressing problems takes courage. Whether it’s a difficult conversation, knowing the exact numbers of your assets and liabilities, or getting a comprehensive blood panel—we can be tempted to delay the discomfort of walking into something that may deliver bad news or tension.

As uncomfortable as facing bad news in any area is, when we summon the courage to face the truth, we are half way to a resolution.

Take Daily Action

Hiding from the problem is also hiding from the possible solutions.

Regularly initiate check-ins for all key areas of your life (health, finance, relationships, and the care of top assets). Resolve to take some action towards the resolution of problems daily. Pick the biggest elephant in the room and commit to befriending it each day.

Daily action (of any size) will gradually reduce the problem and help you regain your footing in that area.

Only Carry What is Yours

For those with empathy and soft hearts, the feelings of others can become an unhealthy weight on your soul. It is not your responsibility to make sure no one is ever disappointed. It is not your responsibility to fix all of others problems —and rarely can you fix what you didn’t break.

Be kind. Be considerate. Be thoughtful. Be generous. Be supportive.

But, know that everyone has their own battles to fight. We must learn to differentiate between our hopes for others and our ability to override their own learning process.

The learning curve for all of us can be rough. But, just like helping a butterfly out of its chrysalis robs it of developing the strength needed to survive, we must respect others ability to create their own resolutions.

If the problem can be solved, why worry? If the problem cannot be solved, why worry?

-Santideva

Stress and worry suck the life out of our being. We cannot afford to throw away our energy by not respecting the natural order of cause and effect, sowing and reaping.

Each moment, we are invited to become more and more skilled at taking responsibility for our lives, while encouraging others to do so as well.

And… sometimes we get the joy of being a God-send to another Soul in travail! Every day we can set a good example and cheer them on in running their own race.

Cheering you on,

Rachel

ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details

 

When you feel your best, you are freed from self conscious thoughts. You are more able to be in the moment, connect deeply with others, and to make your biggest contribution.


 

A Real “Glow Up” For Spring


Hello Beautiful,

This time of year, many of us are ready to shed the old and welcome the new. Whether its dry winter skin, clothes that feel like they don’t suit us, or a few extra pounds that kept us warm this winter….we crave letting go of the old and starting fresh.

When you look your best, it helps you to feel your best. When you feel your best, you are freed of nagging, self conscious thoughts. You are more able to be in the moment, connect deeply with others, and to make your biggest contribution.

Looking your best doesn’t have an expiration date. You can be 30, 50, or 70 and feel your best yet. Health is beautiful. Kindness is beautiful. Creativity creates and embodies beauty.

Many smart and virtuous women feel annoyed by the culture’s emphasis on beauty (and especially on sexuality selling everything) and they want to hide all traces of their feminine form.

Because beauty and seduction that are “performed” for the manipulation of others might feel so far from their heart, they shy away from the whole category of beauty, sensuality, and femininity.

What speaks to my soul, is a different approach. When a woman embodies her version of beauty, her version of femininity, and sensuality…. in an elegant, appropriate, and subtle way….she is true to herself.

She is not performing for male (or female) attention. She is not hiding her light as a defensive reaction. She is in non-referential living. She is not “the opposite” of those she deems “too” this or that. She is very much her own “best”.

Her best is the next level of her own development. It has nothing to do with her friends, a celebrity, or her social group. She is simply living her inner vision of beauty. The way she dresses, the way she moves, and the way she styles her hair (and does or doesn’t do her makeup) is all a reflection of what makes her feel radiant.

This necessarily changes over time. One year, you might be drawn to longer hair worn wavy and boho dresses. The next year, a sleek blowout and pencil skirt with kitten heels may feel like the “new you”. The good news is that you get to explore all kinds of “flavors” and enjoy the feelings they fill you with.

Maybe feeling free, makes you feel gorgeous and you want to dress for action…a woman ready for an adventure. Perhaps, you long for the luxurious feeling of a long silk dress and the feeling reveling in the moment in a luxurious, feline like way, it reinforces in you.

There is value in exploring these different expressions of yourself. Personality is quite fluid. It is the repetition of ways of feeling, thinking, and acting that becomes so effortless, we think its just who we are. It’s really more true that it is just what we have practiced.

The thing is, we can think different thoughts, spend more time in a different emotional zip code, and take different actions…..and find we are quite different over time. “Practice it until you become it” can be your motto.

It’s like going on vacation for a while to a different culture and experiencing such different stimulus, that we actually shift our way of being for a time. That can be a good thing when chosen intentionally! Different external cues (where you are, how you dress, who you are with) all can influence how we show up as a person.

So, this Spring, let your “glow up” be something more that a haircut, manicure, and new outfit.

What are several words you want to embody in a feeling sense? What style of clothing would feel good to explore? What new habits or changed life pacing would feel especially congruent with becoming the woman you want to become?

And, by all means, go out and refresh your style as well.

Just know that you are craving more than a new fashion direction or beauty enhancing appointment.

You are craving the new expression of you. You want a style that reflects the inner work you are doing and the places you are growing into.

It feels good when your inside and your outside are aligned. Taking the time to explore new expressions of beauty and style that feel like the manifestation of the woman you are becoming is not a waste of time. It’s a great investment to align the two and be something on purpose.

When we choose our style, it’s a non verbal communication of our current state of being. We are choosing to be seen….and maybe to draw to us those who appreciate what we do.

Connecting with ourselves, with others, and with creativity is no shallow aim. It takes clarity, courage, and creativity. Be intentional. Be seen. And shine!

Cheering you on,

Rachel

ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details

 

Here is the rule to remember in the future, When anything tempts you to be bitter: not, ‘This is a misfortune’ but ‘To bear this worthily is good fortune. 

Marcus Aurelius


 

3 Ways to Change “The Story” of Your Life According to Marcus Aurelius


Hello Beautiful,

Have you ever heard someone say, “And that’s the story of my life….?” Have you ever noticed that it usually is connected to a negative storyline? We all can tell multiple stories about our lives.

Some are sob stories that connect one injustice or struggle to the next. We can also tell the story that we are unstoppable, resilient, and growing in the midst of trials. Today, I would like to explore how you can create a story worth celebrating.

Acknowledge the Trials

You can honor the struggles without letting them be the defining narrative. Tragedy and injustice are real. But they don’t have to be the most powerful part of your story. They can serve as facts you acknowledge, without being the all powerful limiting factors of your story. Instead, you can focus on how you became resourceful and determined to rise above them.

“The best revenge is not to be like your enemy” -Marcus Aurelius

Transcend the Trials

You may have heard the phrase, “You can’t keep a good (wo)man down.” We gain strength and honor by rising above our circumstances. Indeed, the greatest honor is to use difficulties to become unstoppable.

“Here is the rule to remember in the future, When anything tempts you to be bitter: not, ‘This is a misfortune’ but ‘To bear this worthily is good fortune.”- Marcus Aurelius

Savor the Challenge

We can choose to look for the way to turn our “misfortune” on its head and let it become our opportunity. Yes, we may need to grieve it for a while. Yes, we may need to pause and catch our breath for a time. But, after a little while we need to decide what to do with what just happened.

We can choose to let it define us as the victim of the story or as the heroine of the story. This is where our Spiritual life is key. It is only with a view big enough to encompass design, purpose, and redemption that we can really do the heavy lifting needed to alchemize our story into something inspiring (literally “filled with Spirit”).

“Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack” -Marcus Aurelius

These are intense times we live in. Challenges abound. It’s up to us to find how we are going to move through this time in our lives and in the world.

We can “leak” our focus out into discouragement and endless grief or we can acknowledge the challenge, rise above the victim narrative, and become the leader we are being asked to become.

For all of our sakes, I am praying you will find the strength to embrace the ache and turn that goo you are rolling around in, into the body of the butterfly you can become!

Cheering you on,

Rachel

ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details

 

I like to show people how to make their lifestyle choices create value over time rather than create a burden.


 

Aging is Like Interest—Are you adding value or adding debt?


Hello Beautiful,

One of my favorite topics to coach people around is their mindset on aging. We all get to decide whether to age accidentally or intentionally.

Aging doesn’t “happen” to us. It is the aggregation of our own choices. That compounding effect is like interest. It can work for you in an investment or against you in debt.

Many people expect to have less energy, reduced range of motion, diminished vitality, and entrenched health restrictions accruing over the coming decades.

Most people live into that expectation. Because they feel it is inevitable, they don’t take the actions they could to prevent or reverse this reality.

Our responsiveness to the changes in our body, over time, can create a deep and useful dialogue at every age about what is working well, what needs attention, and new options for resolving health challenges.

With age, we do need to refine our approach to fitness, to nutrition, recovery, and supplementation. Those changes are dialed in on a personal level, so you find what serves your unique constitution best. With skilled guidance and intuitive shifts in habits, you can alter your approach to meet your body’s changing needs.

Aging wisely, beautifully, and healthily is a core value in my life and in my work with women who want to find greater clarity and renewed vitality. When we set the expectation that our prime is always ahead of us (rather than in the past), we start to take more motivated actions to live into that expectation.

Our beliefs about aging, and the consequent choices we make, are potent factors in creating our lived experience.

I want to encourage you to find role models for the decades to come. Look for people who have the beauty, the radiance, the fitness, the vitality, the sparkle in their eye, that you would dream of for your own future. Try to learn how they created those outcomes.

Experiment and modify your own choices to be more in alignment with those habits. Listen to your body, do your research, and most of all, set a higher hope for yourself…and choose to live into it!

If you would like my help on your journey to aging optimally, please reach out or browse my courses.

Cheering you on,

Rachel

ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details

 

No one will keep you healthy but you. You have to prioritize and habitualize what serves your long term interest. Every habit you uplevel is a gift to your future self. Love Her. Give Her a healthy and beautiful body to live in.


 

4 Keys to being your best in 2024


Hello Beautiful,

I am often asked which habits make the biggest difference in aging well. While there is no magic lever (it’s more of a large dashboard of levers to adjust skillfully over time), several habits have exponential value in increasing your vitality over the long run. Here are a few of the most essential habits:

#1 Getting a Lot of Greens

I aim for 36oz of green liquid per day. It’s usually 12oz of water/greens superfood powder first thing in the morning, then a midmorning ceremonial grade (ultra high anti-oxidant) matcha tea (Nekohama brand), and a mid afternoon green juice. I also average a small salad at lunch and a mixed vegetable soup or stir-fry at dinner.

Eating a lot of greens is key to aging slowly for several reasons.The Chlorophyll in green foods is a blood purifier. The minerals in the vegetables aid in optimal function of all organs and tissues. The alkalinity of the greens helps balance the body’s chemistry to reduce inflammation.

The fiber improves gut health and elimination. And the high water content of the vegetables gets hydration into the cells efficiently, which helps you *glow*.

#2 Quieting the Mind

Our thoughts are the main source of stress in our life. Not our circumstances, but our thoughts. Our mind is always telling us a story about our experience. Research shows that for the average person 80% of our thoughts are negative!

If we have 80% negative (frustrated, powerless, critical, and angry thoughts) thoughts, we are flooding our body with cortisol and other inflammatory chemicals. We are seeing the world through a lens that isn’t constructive. We may need to set boundaries, change circumstances, or alter relationship patterns to improve our life.

In order to do that, we need to see clearly what our options are and what changes we are responsible to make. If we are stuck in the same thought patterns, we will not be able to see our options. Learning to quiet the mind allows us to get out of our habituated perceptions and reactions.

We can then see more clearly, hear Divine guidance, and begin to reprogram our mind towards constructive thoughts, rather than a negativity bias. The fountain of youth is likely situated between your ears….it’s where change begins.

#3 Jumping and Agility Training

Sarcopenia (loss of muscle mass) is the first sign of aging. We especially tend to loose more Type 2 muscle fibers with each year in midlife and beyond. These fibers are responsible for acceleration and deceleration. When we jump, we access this explosive power and preserve these muscle fibers.

I do jump squats, lateral jumping exercises, and use my rebounder often. When we add a co-ordination component (aka Agility training) we engage our proprioception (knowing and controlling where we are in space), our co-ordination, and our ability to recover from being off balance and regain stability.

In combination, these skills will give us a solid foundation to reduce the risk of falls (and the associated risk of injury/hospitalization) as we age. They also build bone density and help us move with more assurance and grace.

#4 Jade Egg Pelvic Floor Training

Few people experience notable improvement to their pelvic floor with Kegel exercises. There are several reasons for this.

Firstly, it’s common for people to do them incorrectly, bearing down rather than drawing up with the contractions. Secondly, squeezing and releasing a muscle set is a very limited way to build strength anywhere in your body. Lastly, without adding weight and a tool to build proprioception (your accurate sense of muscle use and co-ordination), you won’t change any muscles in your body very much.

The use of the Jade Egg at first, is to build co-ordination of the muscles in the pelvic floor and build a baseline of strength. And then, we use the jade egg with weights added (to increase strength, build muscle, increase blood flow, and regenerate tissue).

If you want to do jumping and agility training, you may need to do this step first! All women should be able to run and jump without leaking urine, lubricate well from within (even at midlife and beyond), and avoid or rehabilitate pelvic organ prolapse. If you want instruction on this practice, please look into my course Sensuous Strength.

No one will keep you healthy but you. You have to prioritize and habitualize what serves your long term interest. Every habit you up level is a gift to your future self. Love Her. Give Her a healthy and beautiful body to live in.

Invest in your future body like you do in your retirement investment account. Creating wonderful habits builds “health capital” for your future. There is no time like the present to begin again or to take your health to the next level.

If you want support in your journey, try one of my courses or work with me personally. I would love to help you break through to the next level of awesome!

Cheering You On!

Rachel

ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details

 

No healing can happen outside of radical honesty. If you can’t bear to hear the truth. You aren’t ready to heal.


 

All Healing is Relational


Hello Beautiful,

I hope your holidays have been full of joy and connection! Remember to give yourself extra rest and choose to prioritize simplicity as we are now firmly in the season of rest. Winter is a time of paring down. Just as nature has shed her lovely leaves and blossoms in exchange for deepening her roots, you are meant to do the same.

It takes courage to do that. Everything around us re enforces the idea that being relevant and potent is linked to our constant engagement with information and with activity. But, how true is this? The Divine design shows us that there is only so much we can grow above ground in a year. We see this growth in Spring and Summer.

What we don’t see, but is equally part of the growth cycle, is the growth below ground that happens in the rest seasons of Fall and Winter. The roots are expanding and deepening. Anchoring and integration are happening.

We are wise to value the inner work of intentional rest. It is  important to differentiate this from the distraction/entertainment most people consider their “down time”. Rest is a reduction in stimulus for the purpose of regeneration and integration.

Entertainment is taking in sights and sounds to experience (virtually while watching or listening to programs or in person- in a playing games) something. Both entertainment and rest have value. Our culture conflates the two into one thing-entertainment-and puts little or no value on true rest.

Healing requires rest. If you or a loved one has ever had a significant illness to heal, rest is one of the key ingredients to do so. Rest allows the rebuilding and reflection needed to heal. Healing is not done in isolation. Healing is always the reconnection of systems within the body to one another.

For example, a build up of lymphatic fluid needs to be in proper relationship with the rest of the body. The lymphatic fluid needs to be moved into the circulatory system so that it can properly be circulated and released from the body.

I am always helping clients see how healing is about balancing a relationship. It might be a relationship between yourself and rest that has been imbalanced. It might be a relationship that has been compromised around a lack of healthy boundaries.

It might be poor boundaries with yourself around when to stop (eating/drinking/talking/working) or in relationship with another person or in staying true to yourself in a particular type of situation.

Healing requires the ability to be part of the whole (within a body, within a relationship, within a community) yet not abandon your specific function (as an organ, as a woman, as a citizen). The balance between your individuality and your roll within the larger context is key.

Healing relationships takes courage. Few people are willing to pay the price to heal. We must face our personal responsibility and the ultimatum of change rather than nuzzle into the hypnotizing lure of a quick fix or blaming others.

Rather than getting a cosmetic procedure, we can address the cause of the muscular contraction (which is both psychological and physical—i.e. muscular gripping from the upper back and neck traveling up the back of the occipital ridge and scalp… that manifests visually as a wanted facial lines). Just like headaches often worsen with cosmetic fillers/injections, our underlying tension, when not addressed, just compounds.

In interpersonal relationships this looks like having the courageous conversations. Asking “is there anything I have done that hurt you, that when you think about it, still hurts you?” Is a good start.

Being willing to hear the answer, not justify or explain, and offer a sincere apology— is something we have to be willing to do if we want to clear the “film” in our closest relationships. Healing the unspoken wounds makes intimacy possible. Relationships require this kind of maintenance over time in order to stay clear and vital.

I have had these conversations this year with my family. At times it was difficult to hear the answer. It was a very courageous thing. I am proud that I did, how I handled it, and especially of the immensely positive impact that level of courage, humility, and unconditional love had on the relationships.

Not asking, not knowing, not owning our part, and not demonstrating willingness to change will only keep you “safe” in perpetuating a distance where intimacy isn’t possible. Without intimacy, relationships are burdensome rather than life giving.

No healing can happen outside of radical honesty. If you can’t bear to hear the truth. You aren’t ready to heal. All healing is relational. Nothing is truly healed without the courage to right a relationship. The body’s symptoms can be “managed” but with a list of ongoing side effects. A relationship can limp along, avoiding key areas of tension, but it won’t be healthy. It, too, will be managed.

Are you tired of “managing”? Managing is exhausting! It’s an endless shuffle of pills, injections, and relational avoidance. What is the alternative? The courage to face the root causes of the ailment is required. This is not a quick fix but it’s a true fix. You will heal many peripheral issues along the way.

You will gain expanding levels of health, rather than the slow march into powerlessness in relationship to your body. You will gain true and deep connections with your loved ones. You will look people in the eye with depth because you are right within your Soul. You have done the key work, not just to appear better, but to be more whole.

I want this for you in 2024. If you are interested in doing this work with the help of a mentor, I would love to work with you one on one. If you are interested in a group coaching offering, reply to this email and let me known that you would like to be a part of this in the coming year.

However you decide to pursue this root cause, relational healing, know that you have a cheerleader in me. I celebrate your courage, your resolve, your openness, and your love. We need you to do this work, and to help heal yourself, your relationships, and our world.

In Reverence,

Rachel

ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details

 

Maybe it’s time to face the uncomfortable question of who you are outside of your sacrifices, your work, and your résumé of exemplary endurance.


 

Is this why you are feeling burned out?


Hello Beautiful,

As I have worked to balance my own tendency to overwork, and as I have helped my brave and brilliant clients rewire their patterns, a common thread has emerged. And, it’s not about getting more organized, nor can it be reduced to the need to scale back our schedules in hopes of finding some much needed downtime. The real reason is much more pernicious and it’s hidden behind a deep wound….

The reason most of us have struggled to stop over committing and over scheduling is that we are afraid our work is our worth. Simply telling someone to “get more strategic” or “more realistic with their time use” is missing the true sticking point. After decades of proving your worth through your work, a wise slogan won’t help you make the breakthrough your weary soul is longing for.

The very real need to feel loved and valued is being “protected” by your constant struggle (or your lived resignation) to keep swimming. You probably feel like you cannot (realistically) do anything differently. Yeah, sure, when —the kids are older/your financial situation improves/relational challenges subside—you will finally be in a situation with less resistance and you can make a few changes. That time never really comes.

But there is also the inner critic that secretly judges others who’s lives on shore seem too easy. We only have a few people to judge in this category- because most everyone is nearly being swept away by the current! We take some consolation that, although we are living in or near the border of burnout, at least we are super responsible, highly capable, and doing the right thing in our many commitments.

We likely came from a family, and especially a mother line, of people who could really bear down and make things happen. We have taken pride in, and formed our identity around, being the one most capable in the group. The one who could hold it together and soldier on no matter what life threw at her.

And I want to bow and say, “Well done. You did it. You proved it beyond the shadow of a doubt. Your “soldier on” muscles are impressive. They have carried you through many dark nights of the soul and gotten you here in one piece. I am proud of your endurance and discipline. Now it’s time for those muscles to take a rest. It’s time to develop the complimentary strength of healing, integration (on a deep level) of the lessons learned in the battles you fought, and turning that pain you endured into wisdom. Virtue comes in many forms—not just being the Martyr through every decade of life.

Maybe it’s time to face the uncomfortable question of who you are outside from your sacrifices, your work, and your résumé of exemplary  endurance. You may feel, that when you try to answer that question, you don’t have much to say.

You may feel that your work is and always will be your worth. If you couldn’t do anything for anyone from this day forward, how would you feel about yourself? Sister, you probably have accomplished a lot already. But, you likely are just getting started with what you can contribute to your family, community, and work.

That is why I want to offer: that it’s not an either/or choice. You can make great contributions, in a richly engage life. You can also live differently. You really can. A key component is the fuel you are burning as you live your days.

I call living from fear, duty, and emptiness burning dirty fuel. It clogs the engine it claims to deify- as the only possible way to live. It robs you of your joy. The years pass and you lose your spark.

“Dirty fuels that clog your engine”

fear-No one else will do it if I don’t!

duty-Feeling dragged along by life’s prior commitments.

  emptiness-If you stop, who will you be and how will you find value?

Instead, we want to burn clean fuel that let’s our engine run longer, cooler, and sustainably. Also, we can actually enjoy the journey! What is clean fuel and how do we live from it’s power? We need to balance purpose with pleasure, rest with activity, and assimilating our life’s experiences with creating new ones.

We aren’t choosing between a selfish life and one of service. We are choosing a life of Presence, peace, and power. We are far more impactful in our actions and our interactions when we have taken the time to prepare our hearts.

We prepare our hearts by pausing daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, annually! We build reflection (time with no inputs: not reading or listening to anything….silence), digestion (reflection in journaling and/or the counsel of wise people around us), and then making a considered plan of action.

We then live from this plan. It is a plan where we put first things first and then let the rest find a spot in good time. We create space in the morning to tune ourselves to the Divine chord. We set said time in the evening to learn from the experiences of the day and to digest them in our Being before letting them go to Grace as we rest for the night.

We re pattern our weekends to have time for honoring what was done well, learning from where we missed it, and being receptive to direction for the week to come. An hour or two is optimal, but start with less if you need to.

You may think, “Rachel, that all sounds lovely, but you don’t understand my life. I cannot realistically live like that. Although it sounds nice, it’s out of reach in my current life circumstance.”

I will tell you, from my experience over 20 years of working with women who were saying the same thing— until life knocked them over hard enough, that they were open to seeing things they couldn’t see before—that you are spending more time “cleaning up” or being injuring by your current default state, than you will spend in this pause and plan approach.

If you don’t take the time to consider your strategy and it’s sustainability, you will be overwhelmed and exhausted by responding to the way life unfolds. The first step is to believe that something different could work for you—and better than what you are currently doing. And, to begin renewing your mental patterning that conflates struggle with value.

When we choose effective action, balanced with replenishment, we are able to have the impact we crave to contribute as well as the wholeness of health, peace, and Presence. I want that for you!

Cheering you on,

Rachel

ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details

 

Our approach to ending the stalemate is 3 fold:
Empathy, Connection, and Boundaries


 

Ending Power Struggles and Building Connection


Hello Beautiful,

Whether it’s parenting a strong willed child or relating to a belligerent adult, power struggles can sap us of our energy and bring us to our knees in frustration. I want to share a few insights that have helped me in these situations, with the hope that they will aid you in your relationships….especially the challenging ones!

Ending the power struggle…

If we have a strong willed child and we attempt to dig our heals in even deeper or longer than they do, we are modeling the behavior that we are asking them to stop. I have come to see “strong willed children” as something else….namely “deeply committed to a cause.” This is, potentially, a very good thing. Yet, it requires some thoughtful engagement to navigate the intensity that it brings.

The key is to connect to the value behind the issue that is on the surface. When we can access what all the emotion and reaction is “protecting” we can better address the core concerns. The surface issue can better be navigated when the deeper issue is understood, acknowledged, and honored.

We begin by softening our heart and taking a few breaths. When we are able to be open enough to listen, we can prepare the soil of our hearts with some empathy. We might explore what they are likely facing and feeling and take a moment to honor the validity of that—even if how they are doing it is hurtful. When we no longer feel the need to fight and we can open to their experience in a genuine way, we are now ready to relate directly to them more successfully.

We might be able to initiate a conversation and hear more about their concerns. What are their priorities? What do they need and want? If we can make them feel seen and understood, they will respond differently and a creative solution that meets both our needs/standard and theirs can better be found. Removing the adversarial tone is the key to finding a win-win solution.

Our approach to ending the stalemate is 3 fold-

Empathy, Connection, and Boundaries

If we have been able to model empathy and express a genuine desire to create a win-win with the other person, we likely now have their ear to express our needs and desires as well. Hopefully, we have built the necessary good will by “going first” in pursuing their point of view and they are now ready to reciprocate.

Sometimes there is history in the relationship that makes one or both parties default to an adversarial relational pattern. Exploring the need for healing in the relationship is key if the dynamic is ongoing. Healing the root cause is the best way to not keep encountering this challenging way of interacting.

If there isn’t any history there, it’s an act of generosity of spirit to engage this person in a tender and constructive way. Maybe, you will be a key factor in helping them feel less hostile. At a minimum, you can keep from being brought into a power struggle that drains you and brings out the worst in you both.

Lastly, comes creating, communicating, and following through on boundaries. We need to be very clear on what we are asking for and communicate it to the other person. If they are able to agree to those terms, that’s wonderful! If they cannot, then you need to communicate what you will do in that situation.

Boundaries are not about telling other people what to do. They are about saying what we are going to do—and following through. It’s up to us to protect our time, energy, and belongings. If others aren’t willing to honor our requests, we owe it to ourselves to create a follow up plan and act on it.

Relating to people who are a little (or a lot) prickly can be challenging. But, if we use it as an opportunity to practice self awareness, align with empathy and kindness, and respect boundaries for ourselves and others, it can be a blessing in disguise. We all benefit from the “workout” of enhanced clarity, re-shaping our relational tendencies into useful patterns, and honoring boundaries.

It’s high level work, but the rewards are immense. To be able to de-escalate tension, lead with kindness, and be proactive instead of reactive is Gold. I hope you are inspired to go out and try these steps in a challenging relationship. Please let me know how it goes!

Cheering you on,

Rachel

ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details