No healing can happen outside of radical honesty. If you can’t bear to hear the truth. You aren’t ready to heal.
All Healing is Relational
I hope your holidays have been full of joy and connection! Remember to give yourself extra rest and choose to prioritize simplicity as we are now firmly in the season of rest. Winter is a time of paring down. Just as nature has shed her lovely leaves and blossoms in exchange for deepening her roots, you are meant to do the same.
It takes courage to do that. Everything around us re enforces the idea that being relevant and potent is linked to our constant engagement with information and with activity. But, how true is this? The Divine design shows us that there is only so much we can grow above ground in a year. We see this growth in Spring and Summer.
What we don’t see, but is equally part of the growth cycle, is the growth below ground that happens in the rest seasons of Fall and Winter. The roots are expanding and deepening. Anchoring and integration are happening.
We are wise to value the inner work of intentional rest. It is important to differentiate this from the distraction/entertainment most people consider their “down time”. Rest is a reduction in stimulus for the purpose of regeneration and integration.
Entertainment is taking in sights and sounds to experience (virtually while watching or listening to programs or in person- in a playing games) something. Both entertainment and rest have value. Our culture conflates the two into one thing-entertainment-and puts little or no value on true rest.
Healing requires rest. If you or a loved one has ever had a significant illness to heal, rest is one of the key ingredients to do so. Rest allows the rebuilding and reflection needed to heal. Healing is not done in isolation. Healing is always the reconnection of systems within the body to one another.
For example, a build up of lymphatic fluid needs to be in proper relationship with the rest of the body. The lymphatic fluid needs to be moved into the circulatory system so that it can properly be circulated and released from the body.
I am always helping clients see how healing is about balancing a relationship. It might be a relationship between yourself and rest that has been imbalanced. It might be a relationship that has been compromised around a lack of healthy boundaries.
It might be poor boundaries with yourself around when to stop (eating/drinking/talking/working) or in relationship with another person or in staying true to yourself in a particular type of situation.
Healing requires the ability to be part of the whole (within a body, within a relationship, within a community) yet not abandon your specific function (as an organ, as a woman, as a citizen). The balance between your individuality and your roll within the larger context is key.
Healing relationships takes courage. Few people are willing to pay the price to heal. We must face our personal responsibility and the ultimatum of change rather than nuzzle into the hypnotizing lure of a quick fix or blaming others.
Rather than getting a cosmetic procedure, we can address the cause of the muscular contraction (which is both psychological and physical—i.e. muscular gripping from the upper back and neck traveling up the back of the occipital ridge and scalp… that manifests visually as a wanted facial lines). Just like headaches often worsen with cosmetic fillers/injections, our underlying tension, when not addressed, just compounds.
In interpersonal relationships this looks like having the courageous conversations. Asking “is there anything I have done that hurt you, that when you think about it, still hurts you?” Is a good start.
Being willing to hear the answer, not justify or explain, and offer a sincere apology— is something we have to be willing to do if we want to clear the “film” in our closest relationships. Healing the unspoken wounds makes intimacy possible. Relationships require this kind of maintenance over time in order to stay clear and vital.
I have had these conversations this year with my family. At times it was difficult to hear the answer. It was a very courageous thing. I am proud that I did, how I handled it, and especially of the immensely positive impact that level of courage, humility, and unconditional love had on the relationships.
Not asking, not knowing, not owning our part, and not demonstrating willingness to change will only keep you “safe” in perpetuating a distance where intimacy isn’t possible. Without intimacy, relationships are burdensome rather than life giving.
No healing can happen outside of radical honesty. If you can’t bear to hear the truth. You aren’t ready to heal. All healing is relational. Nothing is truly healed without the courage to right a relationship. The body’s symptoms can be “managed” but with a list of ongoing side effects. A relationship can limp along, avoiding key areas of tension, but it won’t be healthy. It, too, will be managed.
Are you tired of “managing”? Managing is exhausting! It’s an endless shuffle of pills, injections, and relational avoidance. What is the alternative? The courage to face the root causes of the ailment is required. This is not a quick fix but it’s a true fix. You will heal many peripheral issues along the way.
You will gain expanding levels of health, rather than the slow march into powerlessness in relationship to your body. You will gain true and deep connections with your loved ones. You will look people in the eye with depth because you are right within your Soul. You have done the key work, not just to appear better, but to be more whole.
I want this for you in 2024. If you are interested in doing this work with the help of a mentor, I would love to work with you one on one. If you are interested in a group coaching offering, reply to this email and let me known that you would like to be a part of this in the coming year.
However you decide to pursue this root cause, relational healing, know that you have a cheerleader in me. I celebrate your courage, your resolve, your openness, and your love. We need you to do this work, and to help heal yourself, your relationships, and our world.
ps. If you would like to work with me to help you reach your goals, get more information here: Click here for details